XXXIV. You say goodbye, I say hello.

Here are some pics of several of my classes during the last days of work. I still can't believe I've left them after a year and three months. I miss my kids.

T/TH:

Reading 3.2

Reading 4.1

M/W/F:

Junior 1

Science 2

XXXIII. Gimje Horizon Festival - 10.3.09

Gimje, the land of the horizon.

Around Seoul, it is pretty mountainous, with fairly challenging trails that are great to hit up around fall. However, Gimje, my mother's hometown, is completely flat- which is great for growing rice. To celebrate a good harvest and beautiful countryside, there is a festival held called "Gimje Horizon Festival." The following weekend after Chuseok, I revisited my relatives to attend the festival.

I didn't know much about my uncle as a photographer, but it was fun to follow him around while he captured moments and conversed with the locals. He had a little exhibition in one of buildings, so I was able to see his work and talk about art. It was seriously one of the coolest moments I've had in Korea. Talking about creative things with my Korean uncle.

I love things like this = such a nerd :]

Turkish ice cream. So random.

Basically, this is what happened:

-Ate a LOT of yummy food.

-Didn't sleep.

-Hung out with my uncle and aunt a ton

-Was interviewed by Arirang (oh the wonders of being part caucasian)

-Made a lot of crafts. Multiple times.

-Saw fireworks.

-Hung out with my mom's baby sister and her kids. I'm so in love with them!

-Free stuff.

-Met a great-aunt for the first time.

-Learned how to make silk.

-Had a heart to heart with my cousin, Jihae.

I'm incredibly thankful for my relatives.

The white and blue dragon keep the peace

by maintaining the balance between good and evil.

On the last night, I experienced "ganggangsullae," an awesome surprise after my students had been telling me so much about it in class. It's a traditionally female dance, now enjoyed by everyone, celebrating the brightest full moon of the year. Everyone holds hands in a circle and sings/chants "강강술래". As my aunt was telling me, not only does it symbolize the harvest moon but also unity and peace by joining as one heart.

Sadly, I wasn't brave enough at the time to jump in, but it was really heartwarming to see entire families holding hands and singing, promising each other to keep the bond of unity. No wonder families in Korea are so close. Who wouldn't be after such vulnerability ;}

Anyways, I keep missing weekends in Seoul and at Jubilee, but I don't mind. These moments with my relatives are few and far between. I count them as precious.

XXXV. I made it.

I didn't think it would be weird being home,but it completely is.It's good to see family,eat Chipotle,put up the tree...
but dang, I need time to adjust.

"Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

2 more days!!!

XXXIV. Good question.

???

XXXIII. Kamikaze spending habits.

As I had promised myself for Christmas, I ignored my "budget" and bought Doc Martens yesterday, after some time walking about without purpose. I don't know what it is, but shopping alone can be very pleasurable. Maybe it's the guilt-free nature of selfishly buying anything you want without judgement or the fact that you can go where you please and take your sweet time. Let's just say that true colors come out when I am alone.

But what would I do if I wanted to be alone all the time? Yesterday I learned about loners in Japan, called the Hikikomori. These young people isolate themselves in their homes for years as a result of feeling unable to deal with the real world. I really felt a kindred spirit (but I guess I'm not as intense) within these kids. They just can't get out of a funk...

...but some of them listen to music. I cannot express how much love I feel for music, apart from my first love. It flows from a place I cannot describe, that theologians would explain as my soul. I can only hope and pray that my future will lead me to be involved with music internationally. Who knows, maybe I'll end up in Japan and jam out with some kids who can't get their heads in the game (aka the real world). That would actually be pretty sweet.

Japan has come up a lot lately. You'd think the place was freaking awesome since it's so affluent, and parts of it are pretty great, but the truth is that because of isolation (on so many levels), there's a lot of darkness in Japan. A lot of people are in desperation, with no way out. If you're thinking about going to Japan to do something good for those people, GO. Stop reading this pathetic blog and go start your own. About Japan.

As for me, I'm still searching, but it's all very good.

XXXII. Lazy.

It's been humbling for me to realize that a person like me wouldn't survive every situation. I haven't really processed my own words, but I just had to get that out.

Anyway, enjoy the vid. It features my ex-boyfriend:

XXXII. They call it a revolution.

I'm on my last week of work. And I'm replaying all the Kpop songs that help me forget that life is serious. Just for now.

XXXI. K-Pop boys are really pretty...

and pretty cool until they start sprouting wings.

XXX. Real quick.

Today, after cracking down on my students for speaking Korean...

Student 1: "(insert Korean here)"

Student 2: *sniff sniff* "Teacher, I smell Korean."

I love my life.

XXXI. Overwhelmed.

Just saw a speeding motorcyclist get hit by a car. I really hope he's okay.

And I was reminded why we shouldn't speed through anything. I was so excited about finishing work and heading home, but now everything is passing too quickly with so much more building up. I don't want any moment or person to pass me by.


I need

encouragement.
prayer.
convinction.
energy.
to breath.

XXX. Dear-,

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. "

XXIX. I can't keep up.

But that's why I love life.

XXIX. Chuseok: A Full Circle in More Ways than One.

My 친척: Second uncle, cousin JoonSuh, cousin JiHae,

third uncle's wife, cousin HyunSuh

Chuseok, the Korean Thanksgiving, is a harvest festival around the arrival of a full moon. There's even a traditional dance called "Ganggangsuwulae" where everyone holds hands, sings, and dances in a circle. It is befitting that a year ago, I was welcomed into Korea with this celebration and now I will say good-bye soon after celebrating it again. Full circle.

A year ago, I almost missed the bus to Kimjae, my mother's home town. I fled downstairs, grabbed whatever I could, and shoved everything into a small, brown travel-bag, all while scarfing down saltines. It's a surprise that I made it, but even more surprising that I didn't choke on those crackers. My mom met us at my uncle's and the rest you can read in my blog. That I wrote a year ago. I didn't think much could be any different this time around, but in fact it was the opposite.

First, the baby, HyunSuh, was not a baby at all. He had shot up so fast and actually had hair and could talk. It was fun to practice speaking with him- sad that I'm pretty sure we're on the same linguistic level .. Here he is holding a camera, imitating his photo-fantastic father. Ugh. Adorable.

Anyway, over the three days I was there, we fell in love with each other and were inseparable. I've never wanted to have kids until now. Unfortunately, I got an automatic wake-up call at 7:30am every morning. Gotta love kids!

In the car on the way to the family tombstones. During Chuseok, you pay respect to your ancestors by visiting their graves.

Second, I was able to revisit my grandparent's home that I saw when I was eight. How I got there is a story in itself.

Korea, you've come a long way.

My second uncle and family in

my grandparents' new home.

The roads in the countryside are lined with these

Cosmos flowers.

Third, instead of just devouring the food set before me, I learned how to make it. After HyunSuh woke me from a brief nap, I made yakbap.

I have been completely blessed to have such amazing relatives here in Korea. I constantly look forward to seeing them and I miss them before I even leave. I've always said that I have the most amazing mother in the world, but I can see that the goodness runs in the family.

Ps.

I want one!!!

XXVIII. Chuck Norris grates fresh parmesan cheese with his beard.

Four reasons why I love teaching:

With Sarah, Lisa (student), and Ann.

Tina was the photographer.

In Korean culture, a child's identity is primarily dominated by their academic success. After all, education counts as one of the building blocks of how fast Korean society has caught up with the rest of the world. But, it makes life so difficult for these students. They're in class from 8am to 10pm. They're rewarded mostly for good grades. They're severally punished for bad ones. Even in class, there is an obvious hierarchy of who's so called smart or not. Mentally disabled kids are treated like they have a contagious disease.

I can't offer much to these students, but on September 26, four young Korean girls walked into a surprised teacher's home, eagerly pushing a mountain of gifts into her arms. Did I know they were coming? Yes. Did I know they would shower me with presents? No. For over a year now I've seen these girl consistently and they've always shown thoughtfulness, authenticity, and kindness. I was so excited to spend a day with them outside of the classroom. I wanted to somehow communicate to them how their personalities and quirks are far more valuable than their marks. On top of that, they gave me these:

My students are awesome.

We ate a make-shift lunch of pesto pasta and chicken, fooled around with my guitar, played some hilarious card games, and then headed out to the subway to walk around Seohyun. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, and the day could not get any better. But it did.

Ann and my owl friend compete for cuteness.

We walked around, took pictures, and stopped by the arcade. Korean kids don't have a lot of money, but they kept offering to pay for me. Needless to say, I never let them. The girls were so funny and silly. Lisa, shown in the picture, kept bumping me with her stomach. While walking past a shoe store, she said she wanted to try on one of my shoes...

Tina and I getting an arcade workout.

Overall, the day humble me. The girls were so grateful and wanted to hangout again, but I realize that these moments were so fleeting. My desire was to encourage these girls, not just for a single moment, but in a way that would stick to them for the rest of their lives. But, only God can do that!! As much as I want to hangout with them, and the other students, the best way for me to care for them is constant prayer. A lot of it.

Yes, maybe I can plan one awesome day for these girls, but I can't control what goes on the rest of the time. Not only that, but it's hard to communicate to them that there was purpose behind "just having fun" with them. I was reminded that God is in control and that's a wonderful thing. He loooves his children so much and knows them better than me. The best things I could do are to pray and do whatever I can to point them to Jesus. And maybe, eventually, God will let us hang again. :]

XXVII. Hold on to your pants.

For the next several posts I'm going to recall the events that have happen within the past few months. Let's just say I'm a bit behind...

Kay's Wedding

On September 5, a bright, clear Saturday morning, I hopped on the KTX headed to Busan. I was going to a wedding for a good friend, Kay. I fell asleep for a bit (on the 3 hour ride) and after waking, was offered a cold Lotteria bulgogi burger by the lady next to me.

She knew four languages, Chinese, Japanese, Korean and English, and was a teacher herself. It is a Korean custom to use Chinese characters on wedding paraphernalia, so she helped me sign the wedding card in Chinese! So cool. Can't believe I didn't take a picture of the card. Wompwomp.

I was curious about Korean weddings, because, shockingly, I heard nothing but negative comments about them from the natives. Korean weddings have the reputation of being overly extravagant, detached, and fast. The ceremonies were about 30 minutes long and it was common to see people walking around and/or casually talking on their cellphones. Yet, I carried the distinct feeling that Kay's would be different.

The service gently welcomed visitors through sweet songs of worship. After the ceremonial necessities, the surprises followed. A group of friends came up to share a special song. In the midst of missed falsetto notes and off-harmonies, I noticed the symphony of approving smiles and nods from the emotional audience. To top it off, the groom's youth group put together an especially adorable video wishing them love and blessings. Intimate. That's how it's done.

On returning, my co-worker, John, and I got acquainted with two of Kay's friends. Their English names were Joseph (요셒) and Sam (히삼) and to our surprise they spoke fluent English. Our bus decided to stop at a beach and treated us to some traditional-style seafood. It made our 8 hour journey so worth it.

XXVIII. A wish list.

Lily's 'do

Alexander as my manfriend

Free admission to Parsons

NY? just maybe.

XXVII. The ladybird sings.

"Faith is the bird that feels the light

and sings when the dawn is still dark."

XXVI. Need to get fly?

I was wondering where rock and roll went.

Now I know:

XXV. My mind as of late

Dream Deferred
What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up Like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags like a heavy load. Or does it explode? Langston Hughes

XXIV. Lily Allen

I was in a coffee shop playing Settlers of Catan when I heard Lily Allen's "Never Gonna Happen". You know, she may be crude and her song to Bush far from tactful, but I envy her sound and her unique presentation of pure pop. Guilty pleasure, but check it out yourself to see what I mean. I can't get enough. I'm actually quite jealous, too.

First Leslie, then Priscilla, and now Lily. Who's next in line to steal my dreams?

XXVI. 2ne1, among other things...

Okay, okay, I admit it! I have a total girl-crush on the K-pop group, 2ne1. I love their style and how catchy their songs are- forgive me for liking music JUST BECAUSE IT'S FUN. Leave me alone. Actually, I only mentioned them because it's the 21st* blog. Baha.

In more important news, I've said good-bye to my old classes and will be embracing new ones soon (aka in a few hours). I am really sad to have said good-bye to them, but I can't hog the angels... can I?

As for the new classes: Am I nervous? Shya! I'd like these classes to be amazing, since I'll be leaving for the States after them, but it's possible that a few are gonna STANK. Is a perfect schedule too much to ask? Mmmk, grrreat.

With Angela: a devilish little minion, but oh so cuuute.

See what I mean?!

My girls. So precious. Catherine, the girl on the left, always slapped me on the butt (don't ask why...)!

Julie, from T/h. She gave me a colored marker every week so that I could do more art.

*At the time, the blog was labeled XXI. Turns out, I messed up on the Roman Numerals. Wompwomp.

XXV. Presents.

This week was my lucky week as I was blessed with surprises FOR NO REASON (be jealous),

BUT

I have a feeling they're to prepare me for later...

To add to my owl collection. *swoon*

From Janice.

From my student Grace. She knew my favorite color.

From lunch today. After talking with my friend Glorya about possibly volunteering with Future Island School in Ghana, West Africa. You should look into it too...

"For the Future"

I'm dreading Friday. That's when I lose all my amazing classes, including my RE5, and get new ones. My RE5 I've had for 6 months and they are like family to me. We're obsessed with each other. We're seriously a house full of nerds. We crack up about the most ridiculous things, and it's AMAZING. I'm so in love with them and I can't believe I have to say good-bye before I'm actually leaving Koreaaa :(

Could be worse.

Anyway, I can't imagine it getting any better than now, but there are room for surprises. I hope. Either way, who doesn't like being spoiled? ;]

Oh, and rock climbing anyone?

XXIII. Rawr.

Things are looking up. I'm finally starting to do the things that I wanted to do (after a year of "wasting time" but not really). Funny thing is I'm leaving Korea in 3mos. Surreal.

Definitely hit the "what do I do with my life?!" age and it seems pretty desolate- when I don't have the right perspective. But something dawned on me. Instead of living for the future, I should be living for the now. I need to stop looking ahead and stressin' over what I'm supposed to do next. I should just be doing whatever it is I'm doing now to the best of my ability and having a ball with it. Doors will open as they always do, and if they don't, it's because I'm supposed to be where I'm at. No matter what the next step is, I'll just tackle it too. There's no point in worrying about tomorrow; let tomorrow worry about itself.

So, hey today. Get ready for some major damage. And tomorrow...

XXIV. Promise.

[I'm not writing this to update anybody but to remind myself of why the heck I came to Korea. So, apologies if it sounds like another rant. I do what I want. :) ]

I left the comforts of home, my family, my amazing friends, my church, grad school, my band, and my ex-boyfriend to come to Korea, yes, to teach and to learn Korean, but ultimately to draw closer to God. I gave up everything in hope that God would be my everything.

Then when I arrived, I began to experience things from people that tore me apart, piece by piece (the most dangerous of ways to be broken). Jealously. Pride. Bitterness. Lust. I was snubbed, rejected, ignored, misunderstood, back-stabbed. I began to pity myself and look for others to pity me. I never knew myself like this. It was disgusting.

But, it's not like these things had never happen before. Or that I was ignorant of this broken world. But the unexpected bombardment of it all at once caused me to lose my foothold (which is why we should always be firmly founded in Christ). Gah.

I feel like I've taken ten steps back. Korea was getting to me. This monster in me that I never knew existed began to come out. I became impatient, judgmental, rude, bitter, insecure, distrusting, and the list goes on. Though my hopes were to give God my everything, I couldn't even so much as hand over a fingernail- and that was to take the planks out of other eyes. Ouch. I was obsessed with myself and how I'd been wronged.

I need forgiveness. And love. Jesus, I need you to fill me to overflowing, but so much more than before. I am truly nothing without you and so weak. I need to love, and not just with any love, but with the love from God.

I wrote a praise song in Korea, being in the depths of my foolishness, but how quickly I forgot the words:

Stand by me, as I face my darkest fears,

But they will fight with a high cost,

In a war they've already lost.

God, this is my commitment to you: to give you every second of my life. But imma need yo help.

XXII. 영광

No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, know peace.

I think someone's telling me something.

XXI. Hungry?

My family was never a "stuffed peppers" family, but man, is that about to change...

In Korea, you have to be creative with the food you make. Limited ingredients. Cramped space. Time constraint. Apathy.

After remembering a dish my friend made me try in middle school, I decided to whip this together (I was trying to clean out my food closet). It's my own SUPER easy version of stuffed peppers. I'm eating it now. Delicious:

Ingredients:

-3 red or yellow peppers

-chicken flavored wild rice

-sharp chedder cheese

-olive oil

Direction:

-Pre-cook the rice according to the package instructions and set aside.

-Wash the peppers and cut them in half, lengthwise, cleaning out the seeds.

-Rub a slight amount of olive oil in the pan as well as the outside of the peppers.

-Place the peppers in the pan and spoon generous amounts of the cooked rice into them.

-Then (my favorite part) smother, and I mean smother, those little suckers with cheese. Icing on the cake.

-Bake for about 15-20 minutes, checking regularly. The sides of the peppers should be a liiiittle brown and the cheese well melted.

Mmmm. Hope you like it :]

XX. Life's simple pleasures.

In no order at all:

Bubble umbrellas.

Friend and I's Korean/English journal.

MacNCheese please.

New green Vans.

Art souvenirs from a student.

My quiet time.

Serious about cheese.

Key and lock studs.

Sushi, my little fighter.

Scrunchies.

I hope bad luck doesn't befall me.