XXIV. Promise.

[I'm not writing this to update anybody but to remind myself of why the heck I came to Korea. So, apologies if it sounds like another rant. I do what I want. :) ]

I left the comforts of home, my family, my amazing friends, my church, grad school, my band, and my ex-boyfriend to come to Korea, yes, to teach and to learn Korean, but ultimately to draw closer to God. I gave up everything in hope that God would be my everything.

Then when I arrived, I began to experience things from people that tore me apart, piece by piece (the most dangerous of ways to be broken). Jealously. Pride. Bitterness. Lust. I was snubbed, rejected, ignored, misunderstood, back-stabbed. I began to pity myself and look for others to pity me. I never knew myself like this. It was disgusting.

But, it's not like these things had never happen before. Or that I was ignorant of this broken world. But the unexpected bombardment of it all at once caused me to lose my foothold (which is why we should always be firmly founded in Christ). Gah.

I feel like I've taken ten steps back. Korea was getting to me. This monster in me that I never knew existed began to come out. I became impatient, judgmental, rude, bitter, insecure, distrusting, and the list goes on. Though my hopes were to give God my everything, I couldn't even so much as hand over a fingernail- and that was to take the planks out of other eyes. Ouch. I was obsessed with myself and how I'd been wronged.

I need forgiveness. And love. Jesus, I need you to fill me to overflowing, but so much more than before. I am truly nothing without you and so weak. I need to love, and not just with any love, but with the love from God.

I wrote a praise song in Korea, being in the depths of my foolishness, but how quickly I forgot the words:

Stand by me, as I face my darkest fears,

But they will fight with a high cost,

In a war they've already lost.

God, this is my commitment to you: to give you every second of my life. But imma need yo help.

XXII. 영광

No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, know peace.

I think someone's telling me something.

XXI. Hungry?

My family was never a "stuffed peppers" family, but man, is that about to change...

In Korea, you have to be creative with the food you make. Limited ingredients. Cramped space. Time constraint. Apathy.

After remembering a dish my friend made me try in middle school, I decided to whip this together (I was trying to clean out my food closet). It's my own SUPER easy version of stuffed peppers. I'm eating it now. Delicious:

Ingredients:

-3 red or yellow peppers

-chicken flavored wild rice

-sharp chedder cheese

-olive oil

Direction:

-Pre-cook the rice according to the package instructions and set aside.

-Wash the peppers and cut them in half, lengthwise, cleaning out the seeds.

-Rub a slight amount of olive oil in the pan as well as the outside of the peppers.

-Place the peppers in the pan and spoon generous amounts of the cooked rice into them.

-Then (my favorite part) smother, and I mean smother, those little suckers with cheese. Icing on the cake.

-Bake for about 15-20 minutes, checking regularly. The sides of the peppers should be a liiiittle brown and the cheese well melted.

Mmmm. Hope you like it :]

XX. Life's simple pleasures.

In no order at all:

Bubble umbrellas.

Friend and I's Korean/English journal.

MacNCheese please.

New green Vans.

Art souvenirs from a student.

My quiet time.

Serious about cheese.

Key and lock studs.

Sushi, my little fighter.

Scrunchies.

I hope bad luck doesn't befall me.

XXIII. Procrastinating.

Currently: in a PC 방 (internet cafe) in 강남 listening to Kpop on web radio and correcting a bazillion essays from my students. Fun times. UGH. If I go blind, I'm blaming Korea >.<
But. My feet are tapping so at least the Kpop tunes aren't half bad.

ANYWAYS.

Updates.. updates.. hmmm. Really, nothing really new. I've been involved with a North Korean church which has been cool. It's been challenging me to study Korean.. by how discouraging it has been to communicate. Not only am I a beginner, but North Koreans speak so differently, so even the easiest phrases can be misinterpreted. Regardless, I've managed to connect with some ladies and hopefully will be tutoring them (in English) soon. Woo!

As far as work, I dread it. Two words: oppressive negativity. I feel like I'm in a tangled web that I was thrown in. I'd rather be eaten by the hungry spider, than to keep up with the hot mess (and I HATE spiders). We need Truth. Thank goodness it's not my battle. God, it's yours. :} Just help me to love. And to forgive! I have a hard time trusting people now :/

On a positive note, it's helped me to see the hot mess that is MYSELF. I really need God to fill me up and help me love. I used to think it came so naturally. People would say, "Aw, Lisa, you're so loving blah blah blah"... BS! Only God gives us the ability to show real love.

I've also realized how much I appreciate true fellowship and people who aren't afraid to be themselves (or OF themselves) even if it's not a pretty sight. I miss authenticity in people. It's hard to find in Korea. Everyone's got a guard up (but for reasons I understand).

Anyway, that was my vent sesh. Don't worry, it's over.

Oh wait. One last moment of honesty: it's hard for me to keep in touch with everyone! I'm trying with my two blogs and facebook, but other things like mail, Skype or phonecalls are difficult. They were more possible before when I had lulls in work/life, but the lulls are no more. So again, I apologize a MILLION times. Please don't take it personally if you don't hear from me. I love each of you SO much and if I didn't have to work, I would spend all my time with you. Really.

Mkay. Back to work. Everyone around me is laughing at the games they're playing. I'm not laughing..

:]

Love,
Spin it like an LP