XXXI. Overwhelmed.

Just saw a speeding motorcyclist get hit by a car. I really hope he's okay.

And I was reminded why we shouldn't speed through anything. I was so excited about finishing work and heading home, but now everything is passing too quickly with so much more building up. I don't want any moment or person to pass me by.


I need

encouragement.
prayer.
convinction.
energy.
to breath.

XXX. Dear-,

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. "

XXIX. I can't keep up.

But that's why I love life.

XXIX. Chuseok: A Full Circle in More Ways than One.

My 친척: Second uncle, cousin JoonSuh, cousin JiHae,

third uncle's wife, cousin HyunSuh

Chuseok, the Korean Thanksgiving, is a harvest festival around the arrival of a full moon. There's even a traditional dance called "Ganggangsuwulae" where everyone holds hands, sings, and dances in a circle. It is befitting that a year ago, I was welcomed into Korea with this celebration and now I will say good-bye soon after celebrating it again. Full circle.

A year ago, I almost missed the bus to Kimjae, my mother's home town. I fled downstairs, grabbed whatever I could, and shoved everything into a small, brown travel-bag, all while scarfing down saltines. It's a surprise that I made it, but even more surprising that I didn't choke on those crackers. My mom met us at my uncle's and the rest you can read in my blog. That I wrote a year ago. I didn't think much could be any different this time around, but in fact it was the opposite.

First, the baby, HyunSuh, was not a baby at all. He had shot up so fast and actually had hair and could talk. It was fun to practice speaking with him- sad that I'm pretty sure we're on the same linguistic level .. Here he is holding a camera, imitating his photo-fantastic father. Ugh. Adorable.

Anyway, over the three days I was there, we fell in love with each other and were inseparable. I've never wanted to have kids until now. Unfortunately, I got an automatic wake-up call at 7:30am every morning. Gotta love kids!

In the car on the way to the family tombstones. During Chuseok, you pay respect to your ancestors by visiting their graves.

Second, I was able to revisit my grandparent's home that I saw when I was eight. How I got there is a story in itself.

Korea, you've come a long way.

My second uncle and family in

my grandparents' new home.

The roads in the countryside are lined with these

Cosmos flowers.

Third, instead of just devouring the food set before me, I learned how to make it. After HyunSuh woke me from a brief nap, I made yakbap.

I have been completely blessed to have such amazing relatives here in Korea. I constantly look forward to seeing them and I miss them before I even leave. I've always said that I have the most amazing mother in the world, but I can see that the goodness runs in the family.

Ps.

I want one!!!

XXVIII. Chuck Norris grates fresh parmesan cheese with his beard.

Four reasons why I love teaching:

With Sarah, Lisa (student), and Ann.

Tina was the photographer.

In Korean culture, a child's identity is primarily dominated by their academic success. After all, education counts as one of the building blocks of how fast Korean society has caught up with the rest of the world. But, it makes life so difficult for these students. They're in class from 8am to 10pm. They're rewarded mostly for good grades. They're severally punished for bad ones. Even in class, there is an obvious hierarchy of who's so called smart or not. Mentally disabled kids are treated like they have a contagious disease.

I can't offer much to these students, but on September 26, four young Korean girls walked into a surprised teacher's home, eagerly pushing a mountain of gifts into her arms. Did I know they were coming? Yes. Did I know they would shower me with presents? No. For over a year now I've seen these girl consistently and they've always shown thoughtfulness, authenticity, and kindness. I was so excited to spend a day with them outside of the classroom. I wanted to somehow communicate to them how their personalities and quirks are far more valuable than their marks. On top of that, they gave me these:

My students are awesome.

We ate a make-shift lunch of pesto pasta and chicken, fooled around with my guitar, played some hilarious card games, and then headed out to the subway to walk around Seohyun. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, and the day could not get any better. But it did.

Ann and my owl friend compete for cuteness.

We walked around, took pictures, and stopped by the arcade. Korean kids don't have a lot of money, but they kept offering to pay for me. Needless to say, I never let them. The girls were so funny and silly. Lisa, shown in the picture, kept bumping me with her stomach. While walking past a shoe store, she said she wanted to try on one of my shoes...

Tina and I getting an arcade workout.

Overall, the day humble me. The girls were so grateful and wanted to hangout again, but I realize that these moments were so fleeting. My desire was to encourage these girls, not just for a single moment, but in a way that would stick to them for the rest of their lives. But, only God can do that!! As much as I want to hangout with them, and the other students, the best way for me to care for them is constant prayer. A lot of it.

Yes, maybe I can plan one awesome day for these girls, but I can't control what goes on the rest of the time. Not only that, but it's hard to communicate to them that there was purpose behind "just having fun" with them. I was reminded that God is in control and that's a wonderful thing. He loooves his children so much and knows them better than me. The best things I could do are to pray and do whatever I can to point them to Jesus. And maybe, eventually, God will let us hang again. :]